They Dont Get It....

thats exactly how i felt

I've tried to tell them why...but i can never give them the whole story. They dont wake up every morning scared that one of their friends wont want to be friends anymore. Or that they will be alone. They dont pray every night that what happened in fifth grade wont happen again. I know what you are thinking. What happened in fifth grade? Well i didnt exactly have any friends. Sure some people would say hi but they had other people to walk and talk with. That year was miserable. Every year i think i can let go of that and start fresh. But i cant let go of that year. I cant let go of my fears. Every time my friend ditches me i feel like that what happened in fifth grade is going to happen again. I dont want them thinking im jealous im just scared that i will be alone again. They are so lucky they dont have to worry about this but i do every day. And i feel so alone, like no one will ever get it. I always feel like they wont ever get it. But i want those people to know that this is why i get sad at times. This is why i stop talking and look lonely. I go back to the times when people hated me. And im not annoyed by them asking whats wrong. Im annoyed because i dont want to think about whats wrong. So go ahead and ask now this is what i will tell you. Im scared and no matter how strong i look, when it comes to this im weak.

<333Kiley

Heyy peoples who enjoy reading my blog or just plain random ones!! So what is it like to know that the guy who has been in your dreams is gone? Well it's sad but you move on. I just keep seeing him and he talks to me but i can tell its not because he wants to its because im his last resort. Or he feels bad for me which i dont want him to. He should know that i have moved on, i have found someone else to put my feelings toward. I dont need anyones sympathy i can pull myself through what happens. I may seem fragile but i can look like im fine when i need to.

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Soo as I said before I have found a new guy. Yeahh his name is ****...yeah like im gonna tell you! LOL sorry but its kind of secretive this time ;). Anyway I'm just thinking this guy is gonna be a lot better than Matt. He seems nice, funny, cute, and not-likey to beat me up. I think this could turn out to be a good relationship. Is it just me or does it seem like fate. I mean I started liking him the day he broke up with his girlfriend. How crazy haha. And dont think that i like him cause of that because i liked him a little before but today it became solid. And i liked him today when i didnt even know they had broken up so ha!!!

He Left, You Left, Who Do I Have?...

Heyy everyone on my bus today these boys were calling me a "mexican" for those of you who know me I look NOTHING like a mexican for those who dont I'm white as a sheet. They were also saying how they were going to beat me up and "smack the glasses off my face." Like what the heck um yeah beat up a girl real mature cause i swear i will call the cops if they lay a hand on me! Then my bus driver said "if i ever hear you say you are going to beat up a girl or if you do i will get every girl on this bus to pick you up and drop you." Yeah doubt thats gonna work considering the fact they were still saying these things. I mean i hardly know them so what did i do to make them hate me?

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In other news Matt was kind of sticking up for me when they called me Mexican. He said "have you seen Kiley, shes as white as the sky." (it was cloudy today) but then when the kids said they were gonna beat me up he said "ohh *one of the boys' names* is going to kick your ***"

Yes very nice Matt now we all know that you enjoy watching a girl get beat up as long as its not sam, kaylah, carlie, or anyone besides me. I'm getting annoyed now. Not because he doesnt like me but because just doesnt do anything to stop these kids from saying they hate me.

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I was walking to lunch with my friend today and i had just gone to the book fair. I got a book I thought Sam would want to read. I saw her walking with her boyfriend and Tori. I called her name. She turned to look at me then turned away. I asked her what was up with that in lunch and she said she didn't want to leave her boyfriend. She may not have thought it sounded snobby but it kind of did. I told her i wasnt mad but her asking her was making me. What i was actually thinking was:

"Yeah I'm mad!!! You sound like a snob right now!!! Good to know who's better. I'm so happy i can finally understand the fact that your "boyfriend" who wont last as long as our friendship will is more important than me." I didnt say it cause i knew i would sound like a snob. What I'm trying to say is I saw this coming. Especially if it was with Matt. It didnt happen before because she didnt like her boyfriends that much. But now i can tell when Sam starts to like a guy she puts him first. And Sam if you ever read this I want you to know my sister and her BEST FRIEND SINCE FOREVER were ruined by a guy. My sister wont talk to her anymore and you wannna know the worst part. The girl isnt even going out with the guy anymore. I dont want that to happen to us.

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I like to keep things simple. I dont want to have a hard life. If i have a hard like i cant concentrate on whats really important. So i hate it when people make things complicated. It just doesnt help out very much now does it. So my advice to you who have things making their lives tough is silent time. Ok what i do is this go into the shower. Cover your ears. It sounds like a storm. When you uncover yours ears the water will sound so quiet its beautiful. Another thing is you could cry...always helps ;). Ok everyone ill write you tomorrow. Any ideas on what could make me bloggie better? Leave in the comments A.K.A: Your Thoughts.
<333Kileyy

I Like To Make People Smile...

No matter what happens I'm glad he's smiling. I know that I should be saying "What the FRENCH TOAST I saved your relationship so I should get some attention!!!" but thats not the way I am. I am happy if I can make people smile. So what? I may have lost a friendship but it's worth it knowing he's happy.

"I like his smile not because it's cute. Because seeing it makes me smile."

It's true. Now I know he's not paying attention to me or anything and I'm okay with it. I dont have a lot of guy friends and the ones I do leave in a few days. And the girl friends I have ditch me sometimes. Like today in lunch I can't stand it when Tori and Sam act like I'm wierd and start saying "Yeahh...okaay...we are gonna walk aways now." Like what the heck you were just being wierd too. And when they share secrets and start laughing. I mean when me and the girl who sits next to me in lunch were whispering we were talking about how much we hate it. And then when we leave lunch I'm left out of their croud and then don't even notice. Then when Tori and Sam split I start hearing Sam calling my name.

Now I may sound jealous but it happens EVERY day. It annoys the heck out of me.

Okayy well I just wanted that squared out of the way. Back to my guy probs haha. When I get on the bus he talks to me a little but leaves when his little crush gets on. He's way to good for that girl. Not that I like him I just mean he could get someone wayyyy better. I just know he could. Sure not a lot of girls like him but he had to AMAZING *cough cough me and sam cough cough* until he blew it. When that girl finally lets him go he will pop like a balloon then he wont have anyone to go to. How is he going to feel then??? Oh well i hope he can atleast find himself.

<333Kileyy

If I Die Young....

Would people remember me? Would they care? Would they be sad, happy, prepare to kill themselves?  I wish I could know. I feel like no one would care right now. I feel like it wouldn't be noticed. I feel like some people would cheer. I want to know if he'd cry over this, or only over the girl of his dreams. I want to know if they would wish they didnt make me sad before. I want to know if those two boys would wish they hadn't called me names. I want to know if those girls were actually my friends. I want to know if the girl who I think is my best friend but actually cares more for a girl who loves CHINA and sits next to her in lunch *cough cough* would cry forever or get it over it a few seconds later. I also want to know if the girl obsessed with mustaches will cry. I want to know if these people actually care! At times it seems like they don't...

<333Kileyy

Am I one...?




 

Heyy everyone. Life stinks for me right now. I just need to place my thoughts in order. People are annoying why dont they teach you in school about what to do when bullied non-stop? I mean its not that I'm being bullied like fighting but its like a rude bully type. I mean I dont think they would enjoy what I go through. Whatever I honestly hate everyone that does this to me its just so rude. I mean no one should be treated like this especially by a guy they thought was a friend. Would any of you go off and call a friend a rude word. I dont care is they say it is a compliment. It is rude a wrong. I am not even mean to them. I don't even know them. And just because they know my name does not give them the right to do this to me. It just isn't fair and i cant do anything about it. He wont have my trust anymore, he wont have my friendship, he wont have my care, he wont have my thoughts, and he wont have my laughs, love, or life! I can't take it, is this how he treats all his friends? Like crap?  Yeah well when I am successful in life, they will most likely be in jail. It's just how these types of things go. The nice ones live better, the rude live terrible. So go luck in life you three. You'll need it!



Left Out....

I never ever have friends who completely understand me. If i do have some that understand me they leave me out of EVERYTHING. Sometimes with Sam I always feel left out when she is with Tori. She and Tori like Black Veil Brides and they never even asked me if I liked them too. They just assumed i didn't. Another thing is we were walking from gym and Sam left me for Tori and never even questioned it when i walked away to someone else. They also always do cheer leading routines that make me left out. They sing songs i don't know. I also feel like I'm Sam's second choice compared to Tori. Finally Sam says she hates being interrupted but Tori always interrupts me and she never says anything just goes along with it. It's kind of like Tori never wants me to hang out with Sam, and I'm not sure if Tori likes me that much. So will I ever find a friend who understands me and likes to be with me? I don't think so.
<333Kiley

sorry for the curse

True Love...

Heyy everyone so yesterday i had a sleepover with one of my bestest friends. We decided to rent a movie and couldn't decide so we finally ended up picking "Letters to Juliet". I loved it sooo much. And now i believe in true lovee. It was just the cutest movie ever! I think anyone out there would enjoy it. It had some adult content like in one seen there was a middle finger. There was also a lot of kissing going on but i would say its okay for some younger children too. Its not hard to follow either and it always kept me on the edge of my seat. So yes thats what i did. I also saw "someone" i wish i hadnt(not Matt) it seemed like we were so close to being a little more than friends but later I felt we were two worlds apart. Oh well maybe we aren't meant to be....

Charlie(Christopher Egan) on left and Sophie(Amanda Seyfried) on right. <333

<333Kiley

Favorite Quotes From "Boy Meets World"

Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't give that kind of information.

Eric: Really? Well...
[produces $1]
Eric: Perhaps my friend Mr. Washington will help you change your mind.
Cory: We're gonna have a child? Wait, we've only kissed. I mean, I knew I was a good kisser, but *wow*.

Mr. George Feeny: I love you all,

[pauses]

Mr. George Feeny: class dismissed.

Mr. George Feeny: Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good

Topanga: Don't you mean "do well"?

Mr. George Feeny: No, I mean "do good".

Eric: So I said to myself, 'Kyle,'...

Alan: Kyle?

Eric: That's what I call myself.

Chet Hunter: I got two stupid boys. Y'all embarrass me in front of my dead friends

Eric: How great is this.

Jack: Do you know how great this is?

Shawn Hunter: This is great.

Angela Moore: I'm going to go over and look at this painting, entitled "Go With Him, He's Cute."
Jack: Eric?
Eric: [dressed like Noah] No, not Eric, not anymore

Jack: OK that's fine... ok, what is your name *now*?

Eric: Plays With Squirrels
Eric: See, duckies are good, cuz not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed 'em crackers and you can ride 'em. See, duckies are the horsies of the ocean. No, I mean they are.
Cory: Okay, someone explain to me about duckies before I hit him with a spoon.
Amy Matthews: It's wallpaper.
Topanga: It's adorable.
Alan Matthews: It's for you room.
Eric: DUCKIES RULE.
Eric: Mr. F... F... F... Feeny
Mr. George Feeny: I love the Feeny call
Eric: [singing, twirling Cory around] For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny.
Eric: [the candles are knocked over, which light the curtains on fire] The curtains are on fire, the curtains are on fire, the curtains are on fire, which nobody can deny.
Eric: [firefighters start cutting the door down] The firefighters are chopping down the door now, the firefighters are chopping down the door now.
Cory: My brother is a moron.
Eric: Which nobody can deny!
[Eric returns from the future, where Cory is called Rory]
Eric: Rory?
Cory: Reric?
[In the future, Eric goes by the name Plays With Squirrels]
Mr. George Feeny: Mr. Matthews?
Eric: Mr. Squirrels.
Cory: Eric?
Eric: Plays With.
Topanga: We're supposed to see other people.
Cory: I'm supposed to see other people, you're supposed to wait until I die.
Eric: My grades aren't good enough to get me into college?
Mr. George Feeny: Your grades, my friend, aren't good enough to get you a Slurpee.
Cory: It's hard to imagine you as a boy. Did your parents call you Mr. Feeny?
Cory: Would you be my girlfriend?
[Topanga kisses Cory]
Cory: Yes or no?
[Mr. Turner and Mr. Williams break up a fight between Cory and Shawn]
Jonathan Turner: Hunter? Matthews?
Eli Williams: Did you guys know you were fighting each other?
Shawn Hunter: Cory and Topanga aren't together anymore.
Mr. George Feeny: Yes, I know, I too read Teen Beat, Mr. Hunter.

[Cory is writing a note]
Turner: Matthews, you're amazing, you have no idea what's going on, and yet you're still taking notes. Watcha writin'?
[Cory stuffs the note in his mouth]
Turner: Watcha eatin'?
Eric: Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself

Eric: I married a moose.

Shawn Hunter: [Cory and Shawn are discussing Cory and Topanga's recent breakup] Cory, Topanga went out with another guy last night. I'm really sorry, man.
Cory: So we're the only two people in the world who still have hope for Topanga and me, and you're throwing in the towel?
Shawn Hunter: [nods] Sorry, Cory.
Cory: All right.
[turns away]
Shawn Hunter: You okay?
Cory: Yeah, sure. It's a strange feeling, though.
Shawn Hunter: What, knowing that it's finally over between you and Topanga?
Cory: [turns back to face Shawn] No, being the only one who knows it's not.
(this one is my absolute favorite i love it)

Eric: Oh my God! He killed Kenny!
Cory: We'll always know he was this tall.
Topanga: [Topanga reveals that she is not pregnant, just dieting because she believes she is fat] That's why Eric and I went on a diet.
[points to Eric]
Eric: [stuffing his face with food] I'm not fat. I'm pregnant.
Shawn Hunter: [Cory and Shawn imagine themselves as old men; they are in Chubby's] So how long have you been married?
Cory: What?
Shawn Hunter: [louder] How long you been married?
Cory: Who?
Shawn Hunter: [shouting] How long you been married?
Cory: They *want* you to take the rolls!




Okaay so those are my faves Enjoy! And if you've never seen Boy Meets World...you need too!
<333Kiley