Hey Matt

haha i know you're gonna see this so yeahh. these aren't all about you just saying :P bye bye

I am But I Dont...

I know i am. But i dont. I know i am. But i dont. I know i am. But i dont. I know i am. But i dont. I know i am...but i dont. I know i am falling for you. but at the same time i dont. and i dont want to be. i know i like you and you are always on my mind. but i dont know about hers. should i love when i know it could kill? she may get hurt but she needs to know i think about him all the time...i love him.

i do

<333Kiley

All My Lies...

Ive told my share of lies. i dont want to be held up anymore. none of you know who is on the inside but im willing to let you to. if i have lied do we all have lies? tell me your lies. i know my friends have them. i know he has them. i know ive thought things and realized they arent true. is that lying? is it lying to myslef? i feel like i have been so ask me anything now. no more secrets im done.
<333Kiley

Dont Make It Harder Than It Is....

Don't say you love me. I know its a lie. Your family wants this, I don't. I never thought it would be you. I wished it would be but I never believed myself. Lots of people lie to me and I'm done with it. Short, sweet, and to the point. I'm done.
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Keep Secrets
Keep Lies
Keep Love
Keep Trouble
Keep Breathing
Keep Hope
Keep Thoughts
Keep Dreams but most importantly
Keep Me. You know i like you. they told you many times. is it to much to ask you tell me you dont like me? is it to much to ask you tell me if you do like me? I need to know what you are thinking. Are you still thinking of her? i want an answer not another question. Just Breathe tell me the truth tell me what i need to know. Ive written more poems and songs about you then i need to. I want to know.
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Your past stays with me. Even though i know i need to let it go. I wanted to stay friends but i hear the rumors, i try and tell you but you wont listen so make a decision. is this what you wanted?
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can someone give me a sign from up above? what do i do right now? can someone give me advice from here? i need it.
<333Kiley

They Dont Get It....

thats exactly how i felt

I've tried to tell them why...but i can never give them the whole story. They dont wake up every morning scared that one of their friends wont want to be friends anymore. Or that they will be alone. They dont pray every night that what happened in fifth grade wont happen again. I know what you are thinking. What happened in fifth grade? Well i didnt exactly have any friends. Sure some people would say hi but they had other people to walk and talk with. That year was miserable. Every year i think i can let go of that and start fresh. But i cant let go of that year. I cant let go of my fears. Every time my friend ditches me i feel like that what happened in fifth grade is going to happen again. I dont want them thinking im jealous im just scared that i will be alone again. They are so lucky they dont have to worry about this but i do every day. And i feel so alone, like no one will ever get it. I always feel like they wont ever get it. But i want those people to know that this is why i get sad at times. This is why i stop talking and look lonely. I go back to the times when people hated me. And im not annoyed by them asking whats wrong. Im annoyed because i dont want to think about whats wrong. So go ahead and ask now this is what i will tell you. Im scared and no matter how strong i look, when it comes to this im weak.

<333Kiley

Heyy peoples who enjoy reading my blog or just plain random ones!! So what is it like to know that the guy who has been in your dreams is gone? Well it's sad but you move on. I just keep seeing him and he talks to me but i can tell its not because he wants to its because im his last resort. Or he feels bad for me which i dont want him to. He should know that i have moved on, i have found someone else to put my feelings toward. I dont need anyones sympathy i can pull myself through what happens. I may seem fragile but i can look like im fine when i need to.

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Soo as I said before I have found a new guy. Yeahh his name is ****...yeah like im gonna tell you! LOL sorry but its kind of secretive this time ;). Anyway I'm just thinking this guy is gonna be a lot better than Matt. He seems nice, funny, cute, and not-likey to beat me up. I think this could turn out to be a good relationship. Is it just me or does it seem like fate. I mean I started liking him the day he broke up with his girlfriend. How crazy haha. And dont think that i like him cause of that because i liked him a little before but today it became solid. And i liked him today when i didnt even know they had broken up so ha!!!

He Left, You Left, Who Do I Have?...

Heyy everyone on my bus today these boys were calling me a "mexican" for those of you who know me I look NOTHING like a mexican for those who dont I'm white as a sheet. They were also saying how they were going to beat me up and "smack the glasses off my face." Like what the heck um yeah beat up a girl real mature cause i swear i will call the cops if they lay a hand on me! Then my bus driver said "if i ever hear you say you are going to beat up a girl or if you do i will get every girl on this bus to pick you up and drop you." Yeah doubt thats gonna work considering the fact they were still saying these things. I mean i hardly know them so what did i do to make them hate me?

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In other news Matt was kind of sticking up for me when they called me Mexican. He said "have you seen Kiley, shes as white as the sky." (it was cloudy today) but then when the kids said they were gonna beat me up he said "ohh *one of the boys' names* is going to kick your ***"

Yes very nice Matt now we all know that you enjoy watching a girl get beat up as long as its not sam, kaylah, carlie, or anyone besides me. I'm getting annoyed now. Not because he doesnt like me but because just doesnt do anything to stop these kids from saying they hate me.

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I was walking to lunch with my friend today and i had just gone to the book fair. I got a book I thought Sam would want to read. I saw her walking with her boyfriend and Tori. I called her name. She turned to look at me then turned away. I asked her what was up with that in lunch and she said she didn't want to leave her boyfriend. She may not have thought it sounded snobby but it kind of did. I told her i wasnt mad but her asking her was making me. What i was actually thinking was:

"Yeah I'm mad!!! You sound like a snob right now!!! Good to know who's better. I'm so happy i can finally understand the fact that your "boyfriend" who wont last as long as our friendship will is more important than me." I didnt say it cause i knew i would sound like a snob. What I'm trying to say is I saw this coming. Especially if it was with Matt. It didnt happen before because she didnt like her boyfriends that much. But now i can tell when Sam starts to like a guy she puts him first. And Sam if you ever read this I want you to know my sister and her BEST FRIEND SINCE FOREVER were ruined by a guy. My sister wont talk to her anymore and you wannna know the worst part. The girl isnt even going out with the guy anymore. I dont want that to happen to us.

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I like to keep things simple. I dont want to have a hard life. If i have a hard like i cant concentrate on whats really important. So i hate it when people make things complicated. It just doesnt help out very much now does it. So my advice to you who have things making their lives tough is silent time. Ok what i do is this go into the shower. Cover your ears. It sounds like a storm. When you uncover yours ears the water will sound so quiet its beautiful. Another thing is you could cry...always helps ;). Ok everyone ill write you tomorrow. Any ideas on what could make me bloggie better? Leave in the comments A.K.A: Your Thoughts.
<333Kileyy